it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
