I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
