Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize