Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize