the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
bring money and cleavage
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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