So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
