i barfeds in our rink
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize