Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
