the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
