these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
