She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
