Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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