how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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