I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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