There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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