yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
