smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
