Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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