Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
