hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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