People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
