i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
