the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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