yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
