And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
