she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
