My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
