I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
