I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
