I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
