never play flip cup with pint glasses
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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