we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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