did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
