Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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