Already got asked if we're dating
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
