I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize