is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize