We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
