o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
