I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
