You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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