I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
