It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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