U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
