Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
