he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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