i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
