the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
