im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
