It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
