Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize