Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
