dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i have two assholes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
