You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
