From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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