All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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