So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
