ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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