I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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