I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
