I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
