i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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