Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
