you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
