I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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