she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
